"These are my confessions..."

"If we ever doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall on the morrow that we had done." - John Lubbock

I wish I had followed lived by that quote today as I was faced with a choice that was should have been easy to make. I was at the local Dollar General today and was doing some quick shopping. I was in the Christmas clearance aisle, (go figure, right?) when I hear some guys walk in to the story. They seem nice enough. They were wishing everyone a Happy New year and seemed upbeat. Then they rounded the corner out of where I could see them from the front door and began "dissing" the people that didn't return the Happy New Year wish. They were using words that I will spare you from hearing. Anyways to make a long story short. I rounded the corner to where this group of guys were and witnessed them stealing items by shoving them into their pants. They caught me as I saw them and then they stared at me as if they were asking "What are you going to do about it?" I immediately got extremely nervous and uneasy and walked away. I didn't know what to do! Then the gentlemen left just as loudly and as quickly as they had come.

I stood there in one of the aisles wondering if there was going to be a camera in my face from the show "What Would You Do?" asking why I made the choice to not say anything. My answer would have honestly been "I was nervous and wasn't sure how they would react to a woman by herself. There were three big guys. I know it wasn't right but I froze."

I didn't do anything. I stood by and let this happen.

The longer I walked around, oblivious to what I was really looking for, the farther away they got from the store. Free. They got away with it.

My moment of doing the right thing had passed. I failed in doing the right thing.

the little things

Mass on Sunday was interesting to say the least.
We had a visiting priest and this priest was like no other.
I knew he was different the minute he processed into the church, hands a waving to the tune of the "youth" music (very upbeat) and bopping along the aisle. It struck me as " really come on now this is church" at first. Then he began to speak.

He reminded us why we were there. He didn't stand off to the side of the back of the altar, no , he stood right in the front of the altar down on the steps. When we said "Amen", his response was, "I can't hear you" followed by a louder more gusto filled Amen from the congregation!
At the time to recite the Apostles Creed, he reminded us that these are our true beliefs and that it is very easy to say them and forget the meaning. Instead of use reciting, he recited the creed fervently and we responded with an enthusiastic "I do" in agreement with what he was saying.

He then gave an amazing homily that really put things into perspective for me.

Sins of Omission Its not always what you do that gets you in trouble, its what you didn't do that hurts you the most.

Its the little things that you could have done but didnt.

Its the holding the door for someone that is ten steps behind you but didn't

It's sending a smile to someone that you pass in the hall at work, but don't

It's the coming home from work and talking with your family, but don't have time because you have talking to people all day and you just want to watch T.V.

We have all of these opportunities to spread God's Love around in some many little ways. There are always going to be things we could have done but didn't, but our responisibilty is make sure those are few and far between.

Someone did that for me today. It was the greatest feeling in the whole world. Someone taking the time to stop, listen and encourage. She didn't have to, but she did!
I challenge you to make the extra effort and do the little things.

Uncertainty by The Fray

Great song! Really make you think about
"the things we dont know" " We love and hope that it holds!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN55c5YZrpU

Uncertainty

I am sitting at home, dealing with an onset of a cold and thinking about something to write about. I thought to myself, "What have I been thinking about most lately?" Most would think the answer would be school, but the truth of the matter it is everything but school that has bombarded my mind here lately. Dont get me wrong school has a definite spot in this brain of mine, but life tends to cram as much into the mind that sometimes it feels so overwhelming. I wonder why I have to deal with certain things and what the purpose in the long run will be. I wonder if I have the strength to continue to face the same challenges over and over. I stop and think to myself, "Why cant life be easy and happy all of the time, not just snipets here and there?" I try my hardest to keep a happy face, but sometimes that just gets to be to much and then when I want a break from being "happy go lucky" everyone is wondering what is wrong. Can't someone just be the way they feel without anyone wondering why? If I wanted to share with you then I would. I think that sometimes it is healthy to be self reflective and somber every once and a while. I am not in danger nor do I intend on flying off the handle. So if you are thinking that this post is a red flag, don't. I am not emotionally distraught but self reflective and curious about the future. Where will I be in the next year? What hardships will come my way? How will I continue to deal with the crap that continues to rear its ugly little head? What happens when the term family is sooooo skewed? How do you build a family again? Is it possible to start over with loved ones? Soooo many questions and no certainty. Uncertainty is an awful thing. Prayer...I keep that close and know that this to shall pass.

8 days to go!

Today I had an appointment with my general doctor for my physical for surgery. I think it really hit me today that I am really having this back surgery. I think it has been so many months since I made the appointment for June 15th that I almost prepared myself for it not to be for a while, and here it is, 8 days away. When the nurses asked me what kind of surgery I was having, there initial reaction was one of a gasp! Thanks nurses...make me feel a whole lot better. I am trying to keep positive and keep the thought of the pain out of my head, but its really hard when you can't beat the inevitable! I have great friends around me and they will keep feeding my with positive thoughts and prayers.

Silver Lining

Everyday we are bombarded with places to go, people to see, and things to do. We go about our day trying to fit everything we can into what seems like never enough time. Sometimes we forget all of the blessings we have around us. We forget what truly matters in life. We take the smallest blessing for granted. We sometimes get blindsided by struggles and unexpected tragedies that we seem like its all gone to crap. We have a hard time seeing the silver lining in the clouds. It is so hard to look for the silver lining, but if we stay strong and hold onto our faith, we will realized that if God brings us to it, He can bring us through it!

I am hoping that everyone takes the time to stop and reflect on all the good things we have in our lives. I know that it is hard sometimes to think of the good things when we are so inundated with hardships, but God never gives us to much to handle. He knows are strengths and our weakness and knows that whatever he puts in front of us, we are capable of getting through.

Back Surgery

I am making two posts because there are two very different updates to let you know about. I recently went to the back doctor. I have had back pain since high school, so I though since I have my own insurance now, I might as well take advantage and go to the doctor. The nurse started with some routine X-rays to get a better look. As I anxiously waited for the results, I thought of all the possible reasons for my back hurting everyday, all day! Finally the doctor came in and after a few jokes and warming up to each other, let me have the news. I have spondylolisthesis. I have been living with a few fractures in the lumbar (lower) part of the spine. As a result of the fractures, my vertebrae has slipped significantly. I am also missing a disc between two vertebrae. NOT what I had expected to hear.
I have my MRI on Feb 18th. Unfortunately, I am going to have to have back surgery to fix this. That would require two procedures: one through the belly button to put in the missing disc and then, flipping me over like a rotisserie chicken, put two screws in my lower back. I am nervous and sit and think of all the results of this surgery, good and bad!

Teacher of the Month and a couple of First Places!

As the school year is rounding out to the end, I pause to reflect on some successes. I have had a great year so far with great kids, a team that is learning to work with each other, and some accomplishments that I am proud to have conquered. My year started with a nomination and winning of Teacher of the Month for September! People might think that this is a stupid and silly thing to be proud of but I was and still am so enthusiastic about being one of the teachers of the month. I have worked hard to get the nomination. It was a moment that I had been waiting to see. It was a validation in an odd way to know that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. It is what I was born to do.
Following the Teacher of the Month win, my kids won first place in Carolpallooza contest. Just another simple joy. I was so proud of them. Last year I would have probably stressed about getting them ready to sing, and said forget it, but this year we worked hard and they got to have their time in the limelight!
Finally, my kiddos were just granted another win. My class made a news cast video for a set of books that we had read together. We entered it into the Irving Media Fair and won first place for Video 90secs to 5 minutes. Two of my students came to the event and they were so proud of themselves, even the one that was not even shown. She was so proud to tell her mom that she was the one holding the camera.
I am having a great year to say the least! I am hoping to get out of my rut that I am in right now, and focus on moving forward to have more wins! Teacher of the year??????

Summer Ends!

Summer is coming to a close! I am so sad yet utterly excited to get back into some sort of routine again. I really enjoyed myself this summer. I hung out with friends new and old, read a couple of books, organized my new house, went shopping (more than I should have), and got to sleep in whenever I wanted! Man, being a teacher sure has its perks! As I look forward to the school year beginning I think this school year will be a good year for me. I am not as stressed as I was last year. I know what to expect in a way this year. I am ready for what comes my way. Kara, Sheila and I will all be teaching this year and it is going to be good to have support around you when you get stressed. At least they will know first hand how it goes!

Fun Fourth

What a great Fourth of July week/weekend! I hung out with Melanie and celebrated the end of summer school with some wine, and by some I mean a lot. I also went to a BBQ held by some of the teachers that I work with. It was great to hang out with some of the teachers and be normal for a change. You get so caught up with being professional that we forget that we are normal people that do fun things. We had great food and drinks and had fun in the pool, well I had fun watching people in the pool. Mel and I then played an intense game of shuffle board, which reminded me of time of Club Schmitz! Good times...Good times... On the fourth, my family came over to the house and we continued our tradition of making a flag cake. It was sooooo yummy. The little ones had a good time licking their fingers in between putting the fruit on. Good thing only family was going to eat it. After a cake filled afternoon, Melanie, Teresa and I started out for the Rangers game. We did a little tail gateing and then enjoy the most American thing you can do. We grabbed a cold beer, a hot dog, fries and headed to watch the Rangers beat the Rays and stand alone in first place. Then watched as fireworks illuminated the sky. Then on my way home I get an unexpected call from Sheila and we got to catch up. On top of all of that, Kara came home from her trip to Mexico. She had a great time even thought she wished she could have more time with the kids. I am happy that I am surrounded by great memories and am excited to gain more memories in the next years!