Uncertainty by The Fray

Great song! Really make you think about
"the things we dont know" " We love and hope that it holds!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN55c5YZrpU

Uncertainty

I am sitting at home, dealing with an onset of a cold and thinking about something to write about. I thought to myself, "What have I been thinking about most lately?" Most would think the answer would be school, but the truth of the matter it is everything but school that has bombarded my mind here lately. Dont get me wrong school has a definite spot in this brain of mine, but life tends to cram as much into the mind that sometimes it feels so overwhelming. I wonder why I have to deal with certain things and what the purpose in the long run will be. I wonder if I have the strength to continue to face the same challenges over and over. I stop and think to myself, "Why cant life be easy and happy all of the time, not just snipets here and there?" I try my hardest to keep a happy face, but sometimes that just gets to be to much and then when I want a break from being "happy go lucky" everyone is wondering what is wrong. Can't someone just be the way they feel without anyone wondering why? If I wanted to share with you then I would. I think that sometimes it is healthy to be self reflective and somber every once and a while. I am not in danger nor do I intend on flying off the handle. So if you are thinking that this post is a red flag, don't. I am not emotionally distraught but self reflective and curious about the future. Where will I be in the next year? What hardships will come my way? How will I continue to deal with the crap that continues to rear its ugly little head? What happens when the term family is sooooo skewed? How do you build a family again? Is it possible to start over with loved ones? Soooo many questions and no certainty. Uncertainty is an awful thing. Prayer...I keep that close and know that this to shall pass.

8 days to go!

Today I had an appointment with my general doctor for my physical for surgery. I think it really hit me today that I am really having this back surgery. I think it has been so many months since I made the appointment for June 15th that I almost prepared myself for it not to be for a while, and here it is, 8 days away. When the nurses asked me what kind of surgery I was having, there initial reaction was one of a gasp! Thanks nurses...make me feel a whole lot better. I am trying to keep positive and keep the thought of the pain out of my head, but its really hard when you can't beat the inevitable! I have great friends around me and they will keep feeding my with positive thoughts and prayers.

Silver Lining

Everyday we are bombarded with places to go, people to see, and things to do. We go about our day trying to fit everything we can into what seems like never enough time. Sometimes we forget all of the blessings we have around us. We forget what truly matters in life. We take the smallest blessing for granted. We sometimes get blindsided by struggles and unexpected tragedies that we seem like its all gone to crap. We have a hard time seeing the silver lining in the clouds. It is so hard to look for the silver lining, but if we stay strong and hold onto our faith, we will realized that if God brings us to it, He can bring us through it!

I am hoping that everyone takes the time to stop and reflect on all the good things we have in our lives. I know that it is hard sometimes to think of the good things when we are so inundated with hardships, but God never gives us to much to handle. He knows are strengths and our weakness and knows that whatever he puts in front of us, we are capable of getting through.

Back Surgery

I am making two posts because there are two very different updates to let you know about. I recently went to the back doctor. I have had back pain since high school, so I though since I have my own insurance now, I might as well take advantage and go to the doctor. The nurse started with some routine X-rays to get a better look. As I anxiously waited for the results, I thought of all the possible reasons for my back hurting everyday, all day! Finally the doctor came in and after a few jokes and warming up to each other, let me have the news. I have spondylolisthesis. I have been living with a few fractures in the lumbar (lower) part of the spine. As a result of the fractures, my vertebrae has slipped significantly. I am also missing a disc between two vertebrae. NOT what I had expected to hear.
I have my MRI on Feb 18th. Unfortunately, I am going to have to have back surgery to fix this. That would require two procedures: one through the belly button to put in the missing disc and then, flipping me over like a rotisserie chicken, put two screws in my lower back. I am nervous and sit and think of all the results of this surgery, good and bad!

Teacher of the Month and a couple of First Places!

As the school year is rounding out to the end, I pause to reflect on some successes. I have had a great year so far with great kids, a team that is learning to work with each other, and some accomplishments that I am proud to have conquered. My year started with a nomination and winning of Teacher of the Month for September! People might think that this is a stupid and silly thing to be proud of but I was and still am so enthusiastic about being one of the teachers of the month. I have worked hard to get the nomination. It was a moment that I had been waiting to see. It was a validation in an odd way to know that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. It is what I was born to do.
Following the Teacher of the Month win, my kids won first place in Carolpallooza contest. Just another simple joy. I was so proud of them. Last year I would have probably stressed about getting them ready to sing, and said forget it, but this year we worked hard and they got to have their time in the limelight!
Finally, my kiddos were just granted another win. My class made a news cast video for a set of books that we had read together. We entered it into the Irving Media Fair and won first place for Video 90secs to 5 minutes. Two of my students came to the event and they were so proud of themselves, even the one that was not even shown. She was so proud to tell her mom that she was the one holding the camera.
I am having a great year to say the least! I am hoping to get out of my rut that I am in right now, and focus on moving forward to have more wins! Teacher of the year??????

Summer Ends!

Summer is coming to a close! I am so sad yet utterly excited to get back into some sort of routine again. I really enjoyed myself this summer. I hung out with friends new and old, read a couple of books, organized my new house, went shopping (more than I should have), and got to sleep in whenever I wanted! Man, being a teacher sure has its perks! As I look forward to the school year beginning I think this school year will be a good year for me. I am not as stressed as I was last year. I know what to expect in a way this year. I am ready for what comes my way. Kara, Sheila and I will all be teaching this year and it is going to be good to have support around you when you get stressed. At least they will know first hand how it goes!

Fun Fourth

What a great Fourth of July week/weekend! I hung out with Melanie and celebrated the end of summer school with some wine, and by some I mean a lot. I also went to a BBQ held by some of the teachers that I work with. It was great to hang out with some of the teachers and be normal for a change. You get so caught up with being professional that we forget that we are normal people that do fun things. We had great food and drinks and had fun in the pool, well I had fun watching people in the pool. Mel and I then played an intense game of shuffle board, which reminded me of time of Club Schmitz! Good times...Good times... On the fourth, my family came over to the house and we continued our tradition of making a flag cake. It was sooooo yummy. The little ones had a good time licking their fingers in between putting the fruit on. Good thing only family was going to eat it. After a cake filled afternoon, Melanie, Teresa and I started out for the Rangers game. We did a little tail gateing and then enjoy the most American thing you can do. We grabbed a cold beer, a hot dog, fries and headed to watch the Rangers beat the Rays and stand alone in first place. Then watched as fireworks illuminated the sky. Then on my way home I get an unexpected call from Sheila and we got to catch up. On top of all of that, Kara came home from her trip to Mexico. She had a great time even thought she wished she could have more time with the kids. I am happy that I am surrounded by great memories and am excited to gain more memories in the next years!

Gaawww!

Well today was interesting. I checked my banking account this morning and there was a large debit from my account that I obviously didn't make. I called the eye glasses shop where I get my contacts, which I purchased yesterday, to see if they had made a mistake. Well to make a long story short, a man had come in literally as I was leaving and attempted to buy a pair of rather expensive sunglasses, like 850 dollars worth on one pair! He used one card first and was declined, then the sales guy said that he used another number from over the phone. He said that he was talking to his "girlfriend" who's name just so happens to be Brooke too! He gave him my card number with the pin number on the back and also gave him my zip code where I lived. The sales guy accepted it and the man went on his way with a very expensive piece of eye wear! I have since canceled my card and the surveillance tape from the store has been sent to the Dallas Police. What a great way to start the day!
On top of that, I had to go down to Irving to take care of the speeding ticket that I got at the beginning of June. I had to show proof of insurance and the people told me that I had to get a declaration letter for my insurance. So I got that and then I go up there today and they told me its not the right paper. So I had to go all the way to Farmers Branch to get the right paper, drive back to Irving and finally get it taken care of.

The rest of day has calmed down a bit and I am just keeping in mind that I have an early 4th of July party on Friday and a Rangers game on Saturday!

Wow! I can't believe it has been over a month since I last posted anything! i have been keeping myself busy to say the least. I have been going between decorating the new house and teaching an enrichment program at Lively. I have had a lot of fun doing both. The theme for the enrichement program was Medival Knights and Castles. My class talked about chivalry, which I am determined is NOT dead! They painted thier own shields and came up with a code of honor and made swords. The best part was making a big castle out of boxes brought in by the kids. The teachers jokingly called it the "Dumpster Castle." The kids really enjoyed building onto what the previous class had done. The castle even had a working drawbridge. We had other activities like poetry groups every morning and the kids got to share their favorite poems on Thursdays. All in all I really liked working with the kids and there wasn't stress in teaching them, which I wish it was like that all year round.
I have had lots of fun decorating my house with Kara. Kara is starting to learn not to leave me for to long because I will become bored and head for the stores. There is not much to do besides read and write when you don't have internet or a T.V. I go to the library about once a week to check mail and facebook. We are almost finished with decorating the house. Hopefully we will have a housewarming party in the middle of July. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have had fun going out and hanging out with friends though. I have had some interesting nights. You learn a lot about people when you are hanging out throwing a few cold beers back. It's great though when you go into a night thinking one way and come out thinking quite another. I can't wait for more get togethers...
I am excited to see what the rest of the summer has in store. Hopefully I will keep myself busy and not spend to much money....awwww who am I kidding? Maybe some traveling to San Antonio to visit the new addition to the Danze family, or maybe a road trip anywhere. I would like to go to a few Ranger games. I also need to call a few friends I rarely get to talk to. Hopefully I can get some of this stuff done, we will see. If you have any ideas to beat the boredom, let me know with a commnet.